Kissa and Mom - Photo by Ja Tecson
Kissa and Mom – Photo by Ja Tecson

It’s been 2 weeks since my life changed forever. January 29, 2016. It’s still so surreal, it’s hard to let the reality sink in. Sometimes I just feel like you’re out of town or out doing something. But you’re not. You’re in a better place and that makes me happy, but you’re not here with me and there’s a void in my heart where you belong. I try to remind myself that you will always be with me, but it’s still so hard to accept. My family consisted of you, Dad, and me. Then came Charlie and we became 4. Now we are 3 again. I can’t believe I’m sitting here 2 weeks later trying to write your eulogy, Mom.

I don’t know what to say to them – to our family and friends. I don’t know how to comfort them. I don’t know if I’ll remember to say everything that I want to say. I don’t know if my speech will do you justice. How do you fit in 30 years of memories into mere minutes? How do you tell them about all you’ve taught me and done for me? I’d be up there forever. I just want them to feel your love when I go up there. I want to remind them of the loving, caring, and positive person you were because I know that’s what we miss most about you. I want them to remember what an amazing and beautiful woman you were.

I miss you so much, Mom. Some days I’m strong, other days I’m weak, and I know that’s okay. I know you would not want me to be sad. I know you wouldn’t want me to cry and you’d want me to be strong. You’d want me to “be a big girl” like you always said when I would cry. I’m trying but sometimes I can’t, and in those moments all I want to do is hide my face and cry in your arms like I did when I was a little girl.

I love you Mom. I’ll try to be strong for you. Just like I told you, I’m only crying because I love you so much.

xoxo,
Kissa

 

2 Comments

  1. DeBalino

    My heart is broken for you sweet Kissa. You’re such a testament of love, faith, and strength. I know this last little while has been so difficult for all of you, and I wish I was there to let you cry on my shoulder. One thing I know is that your mom had much to do with how amazing you turned out to be. You did her proud, and you were a huge part of making her life complete. And now she is smiling proudly at the woman she always dreamed you to be. Sending love to you, Charlie, and the family. And prayers lifted up in honor of your beautiful mom. She’s being entertained by all my rambunctious babies up there, I’m certain of it. Xx

  2. Veronica Granado

    Beautifully and simply written thoughts. I have no words to say that can express my sincerest thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
    I take comfort in knowing you are a person of faith and I know the Lord is the best comforter. My family prayed for you and your family last and I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
    I almost lost my mom last year and that was surreal.

    God Bless you my dear friend.

    Veronica
    213-760-9209

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