My dearest Ray,
I had a dream about you last night.
We were hanging out somewhere in the valley – loitering outside a coffee shop or a shopping mall. You know, what we used to do. At the beginning of the dream you asked me what’s going on
with me lately and I wanted to tell you all about the benefit. But for some reason, I didn’t because I thought it was a surprise. I immediately began panicking and freaking out telling you about how scared I was about this “project” I was working on. Mid-panic you interrupted me laughing and looked at me saying,”Ohhh Kissa, you always panic. But everything will be fine. It always is.” I stopped my usual rant, calmed down and then you said,”We’re going to be late for practice.” So we hopped into your Benz (that smelled like crayons), went to a parking structure (not CSUN’s which was weird), and saw everyone on VENT there already rehearsing. I knew they were there rehearsing for the benefit but no one was telling you why we were dancing. Then I just remember looking at you saying hi to everyone and giving them all a big hug, we made eye contact briefly and smiled at each other. Then I woke up.
It was so good to see you, Love. The fading image of you is now back and so clear. I love “seeing” you pre-leukemia which is exactly the way I remember you. I loved feeling your big bear hugs and your kisses on the top of my head. I loved the comforting feeling I felt when you were trying to make me feel better – cuz it worked. You always knew how to calm me down and make me feel better. The dream made me miss you so much more. I miss you, Ray. I miss you so much.